Day 9 - WHOA! Major Shift!

Today was the 9th treatment. Today was unlike the rest. Today it felt more bearable. It was less like stabbing and more like the hard, annoying tapping others describe. My tech continues to talk to me through the treatment about different subjects which helps a ton. Having a distraction is a must. I am not sure what caused me to turn the corner in today's treatment. I am not sure if it was having a TON of sleep last night, or if I am just getting used to the treatment. I know tonight I won't be getting a lot of sleep. Luke is coming into town and I do not sleep as well sharing my bed. Plus will probably be up later than usual gabbing and catching up on the stuff we had forgotten to mention in our daily texts etc.

I talked to a nice woman at the clinic today. She was telling me about her journey. She has had rTMS several times in different locations. She has probably one of the most severe cases of depression I have ever heard of. She gets the rTMS, it lasts for about 1 month and then she relapses. It has been a real struggle for her. She reacts differently to the treatment as well. She feels very tired and unable to function on the days she gets treatment. rTMS is the only thing that has helped her. She is happy to be able to get maintenance treatments - something that wasn't available to her before. For her, she needs them desperately and I am so glad that she is able to get them. Some patients do not need them at all and call themselves "cured". I hope I fall into that group. The one thing I have learned in life as with having medical issues, there is ALWAYS someone going through something, and there is always someone going through something that is more difficult than you. Be thankful and be empathetic and considerate. I felt for this woman. To have treatment resistant depression is horrible, I can't imagine how difficult her journey has been, but it sounds really tough. One thing my mom told me when I was a young woman (I am still trying to get used to the idea I am not a YOUNG woman anymore) - She said "The universe only gives you what you can handle. You aren't given other people's problems because you couldn't handle them and they aren't given your problems because they couldn't handle them". I think that these words are true even though I do not like it. They never make me feel better in the moment but they are the truth.

I did laundry in a laundromat for the first time in about 25 years! I forgot how crappy it is and how nice I have it at home. I learned that coins are rarely used and everything is paid via loaded card. Who knew? I am glad that I have my new little shopping cart thingy. It was easy to do the laundry when I could just wheel it down instead of trying to carry it. I am grateful for living in a home with laundry facilities where I can start laundry and walk away and tend to it when I feel like it.

I have been able to keep in touch with my people/my posse/my pack while I have been away. It has been a godsend. The support I have behind me is immense, invaluable and extraordinary. I feel so blessed. Even though I a getting this treatment so far away from home I can feel the love and support.  The support system plays a HUGE roll in the success of patients struggling with anything. The same is true with getting rTMS. Having a support system - a good, reliable, loving support system is EVERYTHING.