Final Week - Day 1

Well, today was the first day of my final week of treatment. I am not noticing any changes except for the ones I mentioned earlier on in my treatment. I am not sure if the treatment needs to be longer in my case, if my circumstances for treatment need to be different (ie. being in my home town, in my home, with my support system and routine) or what. I am not saying that the treatment isn't working, I am just saying that at the moment, I am not noticing any real significant change - at least not yet. Some people find that they don't notice changes until after treatment has ended. I am really hoping that this is the case. The other thing that is not helpful is that I am alone. I have no sounding board. My partner isn't here with me to help point out my good and bad days - it is hard to be introspective when you suffer from depression.

Treatment today was a cinch. It finally felt like what I had expected it to feel like when I learned about it. It was just an annoying, electrical like tapping. It wasn't painful, just annoying. I hope that the rest of the week is just as easy.

I can tell you that I am sooooooooo looking forward to getting the hell out of the city and back home. I live in a city with a fair amount of people and it gets super crowded in the summer but it is not like this. When I say "city people" I mean, large metropolitan city people. The people are nicer in the city it seems - which is something I didn't expect. People at home are very rude and unaware. They will walk past the seniors and the disabled and not offer to help. Here in the big city, people have been really friendly and kind and at times even overly helpful! What I dislike about the big city is that there are is so much traffic, so many people and there are a lot of annoying (at least annoying to me) people. People who don't remember that watching videos on their phones withe the sound on in public spaces is rude, or people that come from other places who don't share the same need for table manners that I was raised to need. I absolutely hate mouth noises, it makes me climb the wall. I also noticed that in the city people have a smaller perimeter when it comes to personal space. I need a couple of feet when walking but the city people are right up with you shoulder to shoulder sometimes not even getting out of the way. When I go out for a meal, it is a treat, but in the city it is a transactional thing like riding the bus or going shopping. Forget having a nice relaxing meal. Boundaries in the big city are different. It has been a learning experience for me.