My TMS Journey

I haven’t noticed anything dramatic. Since being home I haven’t slept well at all. I’ve been plagued by the sweats and insomnia(both of which I have struggled with for years). I have cut my medication by ⅓ with no noticeable changes. I will continue to slowly reduce my meds to see how it goes. We are going into fall/winter so I don’t have high expectations for success as fall/winter seem to be my worst moths in terms of mood.

Well, I completed the 4 weeks of TMS in spite of many obstacles and challenges. I am back home in my "castle", sleeping in my own bed and comforted by the familiarity of it all. The last week was the easiest in terms of tolerating the treatments. I remain hopeful that my mood continues to be stable and that I NEVER have another episode of depression again - that however is not statistically realistic. Before going home, I spoke with my doctor about that uncomfortable subject - maintenance treatments and follow-up. The doc wants to see me in a couple of months to follow up on how I am doing. We discussed the challenges faced by patients who are out of area and who require maintenance treatments or re-treatments. I will likely be one of those patients. In the event of needed more sessions, we talked about options. Obviously I am not in a position to be able to return frequently for a week or two of treatment. The doctor mentioned a recent study done out of California wher...

Well, today was the first day of my final week of treatment. I am not noticing any changes except for the ones I mentioned earlier on in my treatment. I am not sure if the treatment needs to be longer in my case, if my circumstances for treatment need to be different (ie. being in my home town, in my home, with my support system and routine) or what. I am not saying that the treatment isn't working, I am just saying that at the moment, I am not noticing any real significant change - at least not yet. Some people find that they don't notice changes until after treatment has ended. I am really hoping that this is the case. The other thing that is not helpful is that I am alone. I have no sounding board. My partner isn't here with me to help point out my good and bad days - it is hard to be introspective when you suffer from depression. Treatment today was a cinch. It finally felt like what I had expected it to feel like when I learned about it. It was just an annoying, elec...

Today wasn’t as bad as yesterday in terms of pain/discomfort. I’m feeling tired as my sleep has been really interrupted. Waking up lots throughout the night on top of my usual hot flash/cold sweats stuff. Only able to nap during the day for about a solid hour before waking up. My tech says sleep disruption during treatment is very common and returns to “normal” after treatment. After my post appointment nap/rest I treated myself to a trip to Ikea - mainly to window shop. It was t the most pleasant experience but I was able to get out of my room and get some fresh air and see some different things. Only 6 more treatments left until I can go home!

Today was a rougher day than the last few. The treatment was a little more painful/uncomfortable than the days before. I think that it is because I didn't have as much time for the Advil and Tylenol to kick in this morning. I did get a great sleep and ate and did everything else right. After my treatment today I felt really sad. I do not know why. I had a hard time getting the tears to stop after the treatment stopped. I am going to chalk it up to a gloomy day outside, missing home, and just maybe allowing myself to have an off day rather than worrying about it being a sign of another bad depressive episode. I guess over the next few days I will know what is happening if I continue to feel sad and will talk to the doctor right away if it persists. I am going to be here solo this weekend and I am trying to determine what I am going to do with myself during all that free time. I do not know if I want to tackle shopping (window shopping of course) or if I want to go to the beach or ...